2004-01-25 - 4:18 p.m.

Me and Mrs. Jones

Me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going on!

Let me explain. This weblog is devoted to my current project, which is an ongoing work of interactive collaborative fiction. My unknown and unwitting collaborator is trying to defraud me, using a variant of the well-known "advance-fee fraud" scheme. It results from a real junk e-mail that I received and replied to, with a view to completely wasting the time of the criminal swine who wrote it.

The tale will concern, as you shall see, the exploits of one Ulysses R. Forwunyne, retired gentleman goal judge and resident of the Great White North. I control his actions, because I made him up. The fantastic Mr. Forwunyne has received an exciting business proposal from the fictional Mrs. Mary Jones, purportedly a wealthy heiress with grand and theoretically noble aspirations, but apparently also of lamentably problematic health. She, or more properly her creator, claims to be a resident of the country of Kuwait. She is of course, entirely a figment of someone else's imagination. What fantastic mischief will Mrs. Jones and Mr. Forwunyne engage in, and how long will it take for the scammer to realize that his or her chain is being firmly yanked? Read on!

I am as excited as you are, dear reader, to learn what tasks are in store for the intrepid Mr. Forwunyne, and what comical misunderstandings and misfortunes may ensue. I will post updates to the saga as and when they are received. Mr. Forwunyne will welcome and consider all suggestions as to his course of conduct as the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune come a cropper (and rest assured, if there's one thing these schemes and their unsavoury perpetrators are sure to deliver, it's plenty of fardels for those who would bear them).

One little note about this whole thing - keep in mind that "Mrs. Jones" is trying to defraud me, and others. Yes, I am lying to "her" (it's probably a guy in reality) about Mr. Forwunyne's circumstances, but she started it and I only intend to waste her time. She is trying to take my money, and she will try to take money from anyone who contacts her using her cock and bull story of fortune and riches. Do not fall for these ridiculous stories; they sound too good to be true because, they are! This is unquestionably an advance fee fraud scheme that she is running, commonly known as a "419" (Forwunyne - get it?) scam, in honour of the section of the Nigerian penal code that apparently quite ineffectively prohibits this sort of thing. If you do a few Google searches on the name "Mary Jones" and "Nigerian fraud", you'll see that the magnificent Mrs. Jones has exceeded the expectations of her medical science professionals, and has in fact long surpassed her expected time of demise. Actually, I suppose it's no great surprise - she has a perfect defence against death, in that she never existed in the first place. I have no doubt, though, that Mr. Forwunyne will soon be advised by a helpful interloper that Mrs. Jones' health is failing fast indeed.

I will reproduce the e-mails exactly as they are exchanged, and I may from time to time include commentary or links that provide background or other information that may assist the dear reader in fathoming the saga of Mr. Forwunyne and Mrs. Jones.

This project was inspired by the great stuff at scamorama.com, especially my favourite, the hilarious story of Bello Umar vs. the Amish . Give it a read, it's awesome.

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