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Of Meat Helmets. A job and a lotto win Really, send me some freakin' documents... Enter Dr. Innocent Time Passages, pt. II
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Jan. 23, 2005 - 9:26 p.m.
Me and Mrs. Jones, Part the Twentieth...
...wherein the trail would appear to have gone cold on Mrs. Kazeem, at least temporarily. I am currently getting the cyber-equivalent of "talk to the hand" from her -er, him. Whoever. Sadly, U.R.'s inbox sits silent and bereft of any further BlessFaith gold.Well, sort of. Mrs. Kazeem isn't very talkative right now, but there's never been a shortage of these rotters roaming about the glorious Internet. I've been corresponding with about six or seven more thieves in the past couple of weeks. I'm still in the very early [i.e. not very funny] stages with all of them, but one fellow seems promising indeed for good comedy. He is also persistent, which suits my purpose well; the original email I got from him was dated August 20th, 2004. I didn't reply until January 19th of 2005. This eager little chap's name is "Dr. Innocent Obieze". I'm not going to bother reprinting the entire first email from him here, but generally speaking he claims that he used to work for something called ECOWAS, which seems to be in some way related to peace-keeping efforts in Sierra Leone. He also claims to need U.R.'s help moving 25 million U.S. dollars out of the country, using some sort of "over-invoice" scam. Oh yeah, and he says his brother used to be the Attorney General of Togo. I've been trying all weekend, and I can't even confirm that the Republic of Togo has ever HAD an "Attorney General". All you Togoese out there, represent! Gimme a shout out and set me straight on the structure of your country's judicial system! Anyway, I'm going to switch to narrating that little story for now. Here's the Reader's Digest Version of the Correspondence so far:
OFFICE OF THE CHAIRMAN CONTRACT AWARDING COMMITTE ECOWAS HEADQUARTERS LOME, REPUBLIC OF TOGO.
Dear; Yes, he left this BLANK!!
Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and if it might offend you without your prior consent and writing through this channel.I am Dr.INNOCENT OBIEZE.The Chairman, Contract Awarding Committee of the ECONOMIC COMMUNITY OF WEST AFRICAN STATES ( ECOWAS)with Headquarters in Lome,Togo.I got your information in a business directory from the Togolaise Chamber of Commerce and Industries when I was searching for a reliable,honest and trustworthy person to entrust this business with.I was divinely inspired and motivated to pick your contact from the many names and list in the directory.After discussing my view with my colleagues,they were very much satisfied and decided to contact you immediately for this mutual business relationship.We wish to transfer the sum of USD25.5,000,000.00(TWENTY-FIVE Million,Five hundred United States Dollars only.)into your personal or company`s bank account.This fund was a residue of the over invoiced contract bills awarded by us for the supply of hard/softwares,phamaceauticals/medical items,light and heavy duty vehicles, apparels and other administrative logistics etc for the ECOMOG in Sierria-Leone and Liberia during the Peace Keeping Projects.This DEAL was deliberately hatched out and carefully protected with all concerned.As the Chairman of CAC,I have the co-operation and mandate of the Financial Director and the Secretary of the Organisation.We arranged and over invoiced the contract funds supplied by different companies from differentcountries during the crisis.It was our consensus to seek the assistance of a willing foreigner to provide us with the facilities to transfer this money out of West Africa.
...bla bla bla... [This is the] reason why we needed your assistance to provide an account that can sustain this fund for safe keeping and our future investment with your comprehensive advise,assistance and partnership in your country.we have however agreed,as the account owner in this deal to allow you 30% of the entire sum as compensation, 65% will be held on trust for us while 5% will be used to defray any incidental charges and cost during the course of the transaction.This transaction will be successfully concluded within 7 days if you accord us your unalloyed and due cooperation.You should provide the followings...[ and on and on and on...] Upon the receipt of this informations,the documents and approval with the texts will be sent to you for confirmaton and then forwarded to the organisation for ratification and subsequent payment.As a practice of all organised (sensitive)and conspired DEALS,we solicit for your unreserved confidentiality and utmost secret in this business.We hope to retire peacefully and lead a honourable business life afterwards.
Dr.INNOCENT OBIEZE.
So, U.R. Forwunyne wrote back and asked for more details before providing "this informations", but there's a twist, one that may or may not be important later; I haven't decided yet. I've been corresponding with so many of these jokers over the last couple of weeks, I somehow got mixed up and sent TWO emails to Dr. Innocent, from TWO different baiting accounts. Dr. Innocent dutifully responded to BOTH inquiries(both responses were substantially similar)! Yet he makes no mention of this astonishing fact! I haven't decided yet whether I'm going to continue corresponding with this twit from BOTH accounts, just to see how long it takes him to figure out there can't be that many people named "Ulysses R. Forwunyne" in the entire world, and what are the chances you'd get emails from TWO OF THEM ON THE SAME DAY? I may very well do so, and (once he begins to wonder) ultimately try to convince him that they are, in fact, two entirely separate people. Watching him try to keep the story straight between each of the two U.R.'s might be kind of fun. Anyway, that brings us straightaway to Dr. Innocent's responses of January 21st, 2005, entitled "THE PROCESS THAT WILL OCCUR". A little cheeky, no?
Dear Ulysses R. Forwunyne,
Thanks for your maiden responce,i dont want you to have a doubting mind,by saying that you may be interesting in helping me.I want you to consider the proposal as the way i consider you before forwarding it to you bearing inmind that we will work out this deal together with one spirit and truth like a family. As you will see,this is an over invoiced supply fund realized during the war in Liberia and Seara Leone,now that the original contractors has been paid,the over invoiced fund still remains awaiting claims in the bank.I must tell you that i utilized my position as the chairman ecowas contract awarding committes to work out this deal but the law guiding all the workers of ecowas stated that we as a civil servant working under ecowas will not be allowed to operate a foreign account,this is the main reason why i needed your assistance over the transfer of this money bearing inmind that you will not let me down once the fund gets into your account. For us to achieve this goal,you have to apply officially to the ecowas processing unit for the aproval of this contract fund on your behalf and to back up your application i will proceed immediately to the coperate affairs commission to register your company aswell as paying a three years tax clearance on your behalf at the revenue office,i will again back date all this registration to match up as of the time this contract was awarded,this is to give your company a legal claims over this fund,and i will fax the receipt of the registrations to you for record purpose. Once more,i want you to bear inmind that this proposal is hundred percent risk free as far as i am consern because i am the one that awarded all this contract but all we have to pray for the aproval of the fund into your name because your application will goes to a different office which is the approval office,why i am still in the contract dept.Once your application is aprove,the paying bank will not waste time in notifying you on how the fund will be wired into your nominated account and i will definitely resign to meet you up for the sharing and investment of this money according to our agreement. For our constant communication,reply back with your telephone and fax number,aswell as your full name and address to enable me secure the applications of claims and forward it to you immediately because we had just seven days to complete this transaction upon the reception of your application. Call me on 00228-918-07-12 once you receive this mail for more details. Best Regard,
Obieze. - U.R. Forwunyne don't need no stinkin' Mrs. Jones
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