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Of Meat Helmets.

  • Jan. 30, 2005
  • 4:04 p.m.

A job and a lotto win

  • Jan. 27, 2005
  • 12:50 a.m.

Really, send me some freakin' documents...

  • Jan. 24, 2005
  • 9:34 p.m.

Enter Dr. Innocent

  • Jan. 23, 2005
  • 9:26 p.m.

Time Passages, pt. II

  • Jan. 19, 2005
  • 11:48 p.m.

Jan. 26, 2004 - 9:35 p.m.

Me and Mrs. Jones, Part the Fifth...

...wherein the fish begins to run with the bait and the question of Amsterderm's existence is reliably settled. The putative Mrs. Jones' condition lamentably continues to theoretically worsen, though her doctors are evidently able to quite precisely predict the short time she has remaining. Enter the imaginary lawyer. Forwunyne is exhorted to prepare at once for a voyage to the Netherlands. Methinks it will soon be time to play the fish slightly before setting the hook; Forwunyne's next epistle must test the very limits of Mrs. Jones' faith in his "sincere demeanor". Mrs. Jones' message appears to have been sent (three times!) at 9:42 a.m., but was not received by Forwunyne until after the dinner hour.

Mr.Ulysses R. Forwunyne, [nb: no "Beloved" per U.R.'s wishes!]

Thanks for your mail. I appreciate your quick sense of urgency, it's

very commendable. How are you doing? I am sorry to hear of your ill health, I pray it's not terminal. I am pleased with your concern about this transaction, time is gradually ebbing away so we have to commence this transaction immediately, the doctors hear have told me

there is not much they can do for me, I don't know how much time I have left that is why its imperative for this transaction to be concluded in the next six days.

I do not dwell on hope because it is an indulgence I don't have time for, so I will rather pray that this transaction comes to fruition at it's earliest. Prayer is the key to all doors that won'topen, so we have to pray fervently that this transaction comes to a positive conclusion in the next six days. To this effect, I want you to contact my lawyer with your phone number he will give you a call. I am not in a position to give you a call at this time.

I want you to start making all necessary plans to travel to Amsterdam

in the coming days, this transaction is completely safe you don't need to worry about the legality. This transaction should be as ephemeral as possible, so you can take possession of the money soon.

In addition, to your scores of questions I must tell you that I am

very meticulous when it comes to this transaction, my nurse is a God

fearing and I trust her God disposition I understand your concern but be rest assured that I am in very safe hands.

Secondly, concerning the time limitation I want to let you know that

with God all things are possible contact my lawyer with your bio-data and he will instruct you on what to do next. strongly believe in your sincere demeanor to make this dream of mine a reality. I have a quest to help ameliorate the suffering of children world wide, I want you to make this a reality.

Furthermore ,I meant Amsterdam and not Amsterderm, I will reiterate

what I told you in my preceding mail this transaction should be kept absolutely secret and surreptitious. So I do not want you intimating others with this transaction as no one can be trusted. I have attached a photograph of my self, I will expect you to do same. I will send you all the required documents you will need to travel to Amsterdam once you inform me of your traveling arrangements

The documents are 1. Letter of authorization(which empowers you as the sole beneficiary of the money)

2.Airway Bill

3.Certificate of deposit

This documents will prove your legitimacy to the security company.

My lawyers number is

+874 762 921 845

Give him a call.

God bless you,

Mrs. Jones

Two attachments were included, photos of the brave Mrs. Jones and her late husband. For some reason, I'm having difficulty uploading the deceased's picture, but here's the "ephemeral" Mrs. Jones.

Mrs. Jones, sure to stoke the fires of Veronica's jealousy

U.R. Forwunyne, terminally flatulent?

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